HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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