this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
