The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
