too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
