At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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