she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize