God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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