My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I could fuck to npr.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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