just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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