I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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