Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
