Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
