dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
