listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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