i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
