We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
