1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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