She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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