I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
