i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize