I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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