Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
