You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
