I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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