i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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