i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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