i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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