We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
