First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
