the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
