I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
