Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
