Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
