I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
