So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
