never play flip cup with pint glasses
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
