His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
