I just pynch a tree in the face
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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