I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The Olympian is in my bed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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