And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize