dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
