P.S. I can't hear my feet
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize