I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
