I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
