Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
