after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
