You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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