I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize