I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
