I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
