I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
