I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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