'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do vagina's smell?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
