yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
