you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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