i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
