Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
