Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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