Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
