Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize