I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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