She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
