College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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