I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
