Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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