I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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