I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
