Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
