I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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