The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Randomize